Saying the words “I need help” can bring on a lot of mixed emotions.
How do you ask for help for something you are trying so hard to cover up? We all want the world to see us at our best- when we are in a good mood, getting along with our significant other, having had 8 hours of sleep, and being productive in life. But I don’t know anyone who functions at this level every day of their lives. Part of being human is having good days and bad days, ups and downs, triumphs and tribulations. When everything is going smoothly, we are more willing to accept life’s challenges. But, when everything starts going down, it seems like our mood can’t deflate fast enough. So, why do we deflate so quickly? And what can be done to soften the letdown of some inevitable downturns in our lives?
I want you to imagine the last time you felt depleated or deflated of your energy and emotions.
Having an event to refer back to will help you understand the wave of emotions I am talking about.
It’s important to be realistic about our goals and expectations. Some times when things are going too well, I suggest doing mindful exercises, just as you would do them if things were going horribly wrong. Mindfulness helps link your body to your thoughts and emotions and creates more of a whole person. Feeling centered helps you stay aware of when your mood is on its way down, so you can almost prepare better for it. Your down mood is less of a shock, and will help you recover more quickly.
Often times, people get so caught up in life’s excitement, that when the slightest or most trivial things stand out from our perfect picture, we tend to focus on the imperfection and allow ourselves to be brought down by a rude remark or singled out stressful situation.
The first step to asking for help is sitting down with pen and paper and writing out a list of actions to help you get out of your funk when you are feeling down and absolutely not motivated to getting help. This may include a list of people to call (friends, doctor, your therapist) or places to go (AA meetings, support groups, psychiatric hospital, or another safe place). Your list may also include activities you usually like to do (writing, listening to music, or baking) and your favorite self-affirmations that you relate to.
I recommend practicing the items on this list when you are in a good mood, and having someone hold you accountable for completing these tasks on your list. When you are calling the people on your list, practice saying “I need help,” and ask for help from your friends. This way, your mind has already completed these tasks, and it’s not like you’re doing something new when you’re already not in the mood. Think to yourself that you are setting yourself up for success. This is our goal.
After you do a couple of practice runs of your “action plan,” put it into action. Make notes of what works and what needs improvement. Alter your plan accordingly. Remember: it takes strength to ask for help, and when you do, you become a stronger individual as well!
